BEING PRESENT: Noticing the Details

July 27th, 2011

I was in the middle of a training session the other day, introducing an exercise I’ve been through hundreds—maybe thousands of times. Sometimes in those moments, I must confess, there’s a part of me that whispers, “Oh my God, gimme a frying pan. I wanna smack myself on the head, right now.” It’s so tempting to shift into AutoPilot and go through the motions.

Of course, the professional side of me whispers back, “Get a grip! This isn’t about you. This is about your client. It’s completely new for them. And besides, they’re paying for your undivided attention.” Oh, right…

You know what I do in those moments? I focus on the details. I raise the bar on my own performance. As I’m speaking, I ask myself, “Is every vowel sound vibrating fully? Is every consonant sound articulated cleanly? Is every word spoken with openness and connection? Am I practicing whatever technique I’m preaching at this very moment?”

Then something interesting happens. I get present. I get out of my head and into the room. I’m truly with my client again, fully available. Not because of the self-talk. Certainly not because of my discipline. Just because I focused on the details. Paying attention to details heightens my awareness, sharpens my focus and restores my capacity to be attentive to the person in front of me.

I realize I’m essentially talking about my own experience of mindfulness in the context of my work. Mark Williams (The Mindful Way Through Depression) writes that “slowing things down and deliberately paying attention to each aspect of our sensory experience can reveal things that we may have never noticed before.” That’s important for anyone who wants to experience life more fully. It’s even more important for those of us who aspire to any level of excellence and expertise in our work.

PRACTICE: Getting the Feel of It

July 25th, 2011

I normally won’t touch the term “projection” with a ten-foot pole, since, for most people, it implies working harder and pushing one’s voice to the back of the room. But I do teach Kristin Linklater’s concept of “sound forward”—at least, I think it originates with her—this idea that every last vibration of sound is moving forward, flowing away from the speaker.

But that’s not what this post is about.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that when we get to “sound forward” exercises, clients start to get uptight and over-think the process. They start to hesitate, make more mistakes and apologize, saying, “I’ve got too many things to think about.”

And that is the problem: trying to mentally control what’s happening. Once we reach a certain level of complication (and believe me, speaking and presenting can get very complicated) our brain starts dropping balls, as it were. A juggler knows they can’t think about the steps. That would be disaster. They must know how it feels.

When we become preoccupied with the result, “getting it right,” we start thinking about what we’re doing. By thinking, we become less attentive to sensations. So when we focus on getting the “right” result, we forfeit the pleasure of the action. We become tense. We lose our flow. We become frustrated. We actually trigger an avoidance response to the task. We’re fighting a battle instead of enjoying a discovery.

If we can put aside our need to “get it right,” and immerse ourselves in the sensations connected to an exercise, it becomes pleasurable, a feel-good activity. That creates a powerful learning experience. In no time, our bodies absorb and memorize that feeling. We want more of it. We’re able to repeat it again and again, easily and with joy.

When we know and enjoy how it feels, the desired result becomes effortless and authentic.